


Micromanaging

by mobileLignum, Sinobutt



Category: Homestuck, The Sims (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Replay Value, Comedy, Walkthrough Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-04 07:08:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17300072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mobileLignum/pseuds/mobileLignum, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinobutt/pseuds/Sinobutt
Summary: Watch in awe as a true 3L1TE G4M3R messes with your perception of reality. Perish in shame at all your failed attempts at beating this session are CRUSHED under the weight of my GREATNESS. Buckle in, you pitiful excuse for players: I'm going to beat the session that started it all.





	1. Fate is short lived.

Things to know

Sburb Sims is a Survival simulator in which you can either create your own Player(s) and input them into a session or randomize the starting conditions of a session. The game has updated a lot since it’s release adding multiple styles of play, one with no set goal other than surviving, others where you try to get your players to work towards a similar goal.

The game consists on having to manage every character’s social interactions, sanity, quests, and health in general. Not one session is like the other and so the community has since it’s released only grown.

Homestuck is the let’s play that almost single handedly popularized the game, not by how good he was at cheating the game (in fact, he started out quite terrible at it) or how good he was at getting his players to stay sane and alive (hah). It was popular because this guy somehow got nearly every single possible event in his game, and triggered nearly all of them as well. 

Imagine being in the game community and hearing so much about the infamous lil’ cal and how it raises the stats of whoever holds it, dramatically, while decreasing said player’s sanity. Imagine knowing you have to take it from it’s keeper first in order to earn it, it’s keeper gaining the boost from the puppet as well. Not only that but guardians are made to be basically unbeatable at first tier, with them serving more as tutorial battles (unless they were tied to an event)

Now imagine this poor naive guy playing the game for the first time, have that devilish puppet be linked to your Knight Of Time’s Bro, and deciding you want to try his tutorial battle thinking it won’t leave any permanent scars on your Knight Of Time’s sanity.

And that’s without mentioning this session had a fucking first guardian too.

Needless to say the shit hit the fan harder than i wish the hulk would wreck my pussy.

Why am I recapping this you ask? Why make you recall these facts that you surely already know if you’re already reading, in fact, part of the same world that I live in? (that world being the world of an 3L1T3 G4M3R!!!!!!!) 

Because I wanted to set the stage of course. 

I’m gonna play through this maddening session. I will save as many from the sanity slaying hands of this corrupted universe making machine. I will CONQUER this rotten world and make it into something better. Deaths will be avenged, ships will sail, the trolls won’t have any relevance whatsoever (i’m not micromanaging twelve players so I’m not incorporating the Hivebent session into this one like Hussie did. I have a god complex not a death wish).

Today is the day fate dies.

Let’s begin.

Four players sounds like a small number, but trust me, they’re hard to manage with so much shit going on. First I need to choose my first entry player, and that player will usually (depending on their stats) be the leader, and that will give them all sorts of abilities and bonuses. 

Now I can see why you’d go classic with John. Breath aspect makes him good at inspiring other people and generally keep them ‘lax. Thing is though: He’s gonna be moving around his session pretty fast and won’t generally have a chance to team up with anyone, making him useless as a leader outside of online conversations, but his modus is gonna trap his computer shit under other cards until you upgrade. Making him most usable for pacifying when in person, AKA nearly the endgame.

Still though I wanna get the “Get Game” sidequest over with. I made john equip the hammer, go downstair and get the game before his dad even gets there. 

Grabbing the hammer was almost instinctual, I feel myself being corrupted by the spirit of every player who just broke his dad’s car window and took the server.

I switch to Rose and get her to the fucking mausoleum lab like a sensible person. the shitty connection event is such bullshit (even if it’s fun to see where they hide the lab THIS time. I once had a session where it was hidden under the ocean)

I have absolutely no idea what to do with Dave. Leaving this room is a death sentence, I just gotta make sure he doesn’t lose his game copies. He’s okay on that front so I’m cutting him off the apple juice.

Dave don’t look at me like that you piece of shit don’t you have a fucking character arc in your webcomic to work on? 

Now we get to our default leader, Jade.

Jade is surprisingly sane for someone raised by a gross animal’s corpse, and a dog. Her relationship status is good with everyone (though everyone here has a good relationship status. I do not want to relive the 12 fuschia bloods session) and the space bonus of leadership is that all players flock to her anyway to help with frog breeding, not to mention that with space powers she can teleport directly to other players in case they need a sanity check. 

So I complete her get game quest pretty easily, and let her client install while she falls asleep. The real question is who is gonna be her server player, now if you know anything about the Witch class, The space aspect, and what compliments those you’d know who’s gonna help her out.

Let’s just hope relationship drama doesn’t happen in this timeline.  
So i install Dave’s server and he starts deploying shit. If I sleep like a log Jade sleeps like an ancient goddess holy shit.

Seer Of Light compliments Dave’s class so I set up the chain with Rose and Dave, then John and while they’re deploying shit I switch to Jade’s prospit self.

I make her slap herself of course. A small cost on sanity but I want to get everyone in as quickly as possible.

Now comes the prototyping issue, because let’s be honest:

It looks like we’re fucked no matter what we choose. 

It sure would look that way to a pathetic excuse for a gamer. Someone with such a tiny brain, trying to comprehend such a big concept of how to not fuck yourself over, like my mouth trying to suck the hulk’s massive cock. Watch in amazement on how I take this metaphorical cock all the way down my throat.

First I shoot several bullets into the blue lady

I take off one of her arms

I prototype that, then set jade on automatic combat with Bec to keep him from prototyping himself like a bastard.

I go to dave and kill a crow. That fucks up his sanity a bit but I can easily prototype that, not before slicing it’s wings off. I haven’t entered bro’s room yet so as long as he doesn’t come out I should be fine on strife central.

I get Jaspers (and only jaspers) into the kernelsprite without even mutilating the poor dear because I’m not a monster.

John is complicated. I can’t prototype any of his posters since they’re clownified, and in fact everything here is a clown.

I love clowns and how it pains me to fight them to death. Fighting a clown is like fighting your own nature, you may win, but you’ll lose so much.

I go for the safe option of the bunny. I then proceed to trigger everyone’s entry event.

Just like that we avoided mishap, for the most part. There’s still crimes afoot, agents of fate willing to take it all down. Bro still exists and that crime shall not go unpunished but since we’re in he should go do his own thing. 

This is where your choice comes in.

Should I focus on the things I CAN handle for now? Or should I focus on the hunt for bro? Surely while tracking the bastard down the four players together will be strong enough to take him. (I mean, probably. Lil’ Cal’s boosts are bullshit). 

On the other hand now that I can easily get them together I should probably start breeding the frogs while john takes rose as far away from the furthest ring in his dream state. Preventing grimdark is a big step. (Also getting her away from that FUCKING cue ball)

Or do you, TRU3 G4M3RZZZZZ!! have other suggestions that would make this fucked session so much easier to manage?

I’ll be leaving this up to vote.

Until then, feel free to PRAISE my god like G4M3R sk1llzz


	2. Of Roles We Play

I see you’re impressed by my STELLAR MOTHERFUCKING SKILLS. You have craved my knowledge, my presence, the opportunity to praise me ever since I opened your eyes like a child opens a school bag. Only this time the school bag will not contain the dreaded schoolwork. It will instead contain the MIND SHATTERING game BEATING skills that I’m about to show you.

As one of my MANY beholders has said: This is gonna be a wild ride. 

Also I got a complaint from my kismesis that I shouldn’t be too horny for the Hulk and while I CAN and WILL be horny for the hulk in private I have decided to keep such topics private for the time being. 

Now, how do I follow up such a great start? How can I possible live upto your expectations? Is perhaps, the very idea of living up to such a great start IMPOSSIBLE?

Nothing is impossible. Perception bends reality however it sees fit, and me? The power of my belief outclasses everyone else.

By which I mean I’m just gonna go on and chill, it’s not that big of a deal dude.

Last chapter we left on with a question, one SO MANY PEOPLE answered. I am stunned, stunned by your reading comprehension, stunned by how much you appreciate the CHOICE I am giving you, choices not every creator allows you to make. Tyrants they are, keeping narratives to themselves like a mad king. 

I am being somewhat facetious of course, no one cared enough, but that won’t stop me from servicing you a choice. (Even if, objectively speaking, I am better at making any sort of choice, ever.)  
Now where do I go from here? I hear you asking, again, redundantly in a redundant manner which reads redundant as this text mocking your redundancy. First I realize that I haven’t allocated a strife specibus for Rose. I could go for needlekind as that would facilitate an use for echidna’s quills for something outside the scratch (plus it’s just a classic staple of playing this session). Or I could go for the grimoire, and obtain one of the fabled subclasses.

Subclasses are a bit of an obscure game mechanic: They allow a class obtain certain abilities that are not necessarily linked to theirs. It’s like the little fuckers are roleplaying or something.

If Rose allocated the Grimoire she’d be able to eventually alchemize stuff that allows her to summon the zoologically dubious to briefly serve as familiars at the cost of her sanity, similar to abilities the page, heir, and witch have only this time with more drawbacks. 

Unless you’re Gamzee “Roles locos” Makara. 

I’ve decided to have her allocate the grimoire, simply because it’s not only a good way to farm grist but also: I’m confident in my gurl Jade’s ability to pacify, and it’s just a cool ass fucking mechanic and if you disagree you can find the nearest cliff and throw your pokemon cards down it and suffer the greatest loss.

As I give her the book I realize that if Jade is busy pacifying Rose then it’s probably not a good idea to chase Cal, which makes me rethink my greatest loss statement. I have never felt more betrayed by one of my own choices, these hands, these hands have prevented me from having my dear sweet boio near me.

This truly is worthy of a scratch. (Except not really, I don’t give up that quick.)

I set Jade, Dave, and Rose to automatic fighting at the moment. The enemies should be made weak enough by all the kernelsprite damage done to them and even then the sprites should be able to heal them while they fight.

I get John to the sledge hammer and have him break his dad’s room door open. Boi’s gotta get a new fetch modus.

Now that I’m free from the curse that is data structures he can get down to business and start fighting too.

 

I switch my screen to Dave and after he’s earned some grist his piece of shit brother shows up, finally leaving the room. I am so tempted, so fucking tempted to snap that weeaboo’s fucking neck but those bonuses be mad jacked yo. He fights a few enemies on his way out, absolutely WRECKING everything in the room before leaving on his piece of shit rocket skateboard.

Now I hear you asking: “Dude, bro, homeslice, breadslice, pana, compadre, imbécil” Why didn’t you steal his fucking rocketboard and make things easier for yourself?  
He had it on his sylladex, there’s no way I would’ve managed to even dent this motherfucker.

I got some grist though, and you’re probably wondering if I’m gonna use outside alchemy codes to cheat the game. The answer is no you piece of youtube trivia bullshit. I’m not gonna cheat, I’m going to experiment every single second of tear inducing, self loathing, shit eating effort like a true gamer. 

So while Dave and everyone else gains some levels I switch to Jade who just fell asleep.

Her garbage sprite is so bad at fighting, and she’s constantly falling asleep, waking up because of the hit, then falling asleep again. This is NOT doing wonders for her sanity, of all the starting conditions narcolepsy is the one that most makes me want to replay Sonic 06 just so I’m in less of a soul wrecking level of suffering.

If Jade loses her shit then this session is going to die faster than Nepeta. 

I get her back to her room and barricade the door. Shhh, only piss coloured dreams now.

The sprite heals her up and that should be enough for a bit. I get dream Jade on the path to Derse. John isn’t waking for a while, so I might as well get Rose and Dave in the team.

It takes a bit, but she goes there and sits down next to Rose in her tower. 

Here’s where the second choice comes in.

I could wake both of them up, and go on a quest to get the royal deringer. It will be a quest of mostly sneaking around. Interacting with Jade will also heal their sanity a bit along with sleeping. There’s a high probability in death though.

Or I could dedicate the next chapter to alchemy since they’ll be raking it that PHAT GRIST CACHE by now.

Until then, smell ya later, gamers!


	3. On Sanity And Clowns.

Now, gamers, otakus, and the shining light of humanity left that follows me amongst those. I bet you’re wondering: Who on this world could possibly match the size of my ENORMOUS, JUICY, AND VEINY GAMING APPARATUS. Who, in this world, is good enough of a GAMER to join me. Who could possibly JOIN ME in this PANTHEON OF GAMING GODS. The truth is there’s no gamer on this PARADOX SPACE that could possibly match my G4M3R CR3D. Nobody at all. I still brough what you lower forms of existence would call a “friend”

Introduce yourself, acquaintance, so that we may establish our HILARIOUS DYNAMIC. Only instead of comedy, there’s only the glory of GAMING it is a glory greater than what I’m told an orgasm is like.

damn. first of all, i’m glad you admitted you beat your meat like halfway through your first paragraph of this speech. beautiful. wonderful. fucking outstanding. second of all, you sound like if eridan and karkat had babies. the most arrogant, annoying prick that ever existed. truly, this is what gamer comedy looks like. 

anyway. yes. i’m the lesser of the two evils this fucking doomed-ass session needed to save themselves. 

was that introduction enough?

Is that an INSULT I hear? You wound me, I am wounded. This is my wounded face

:ol 

Also this session is NOT doomed. Not while I'm here to manage EVERY FUCKING DETAIL. Manage it like it’s the hulk-wait I’m not allowed to say that anymore, fuck.

Let me have this.

oh, good. your wounded face looks exactly like your regular face. i’m glad that didn’t pierce your ego. as if that would be a travesty.

and yeah, it is doomed, mate. this is why they call it a “doomed timeline.” unless you’d like to make 300 MORE dead daves?

as a wise woman once sung, “dead daves are the enemy.”

Doomed Timelines are but a weak excuse to succumb to the world around you. Fate is a lie we tell ourselves to either make the world a little bit scary or to allow our own laziness and inaction. Truth is, the force governing our existence? The mirthful messiahs? They care more about watching shit go down than actually do anything about it, and then giving us a wicked congratulations party in the afterlife. Everything dies, even fate. The messiah’s turn into one, then they split, and it cycles over and over in every universe.

Now will you stop being a whiny píssbaby and help me kill fate?

by god, you really are a purpleblood, aren’t you. i thought you were just making fun of the juggalo-worshipping freaks. hmm. fate doesn’t exist, pal. however, doom does. the endless void coming for our souls? that exists. though one could argue that’s part of fate. 

well. you can’t kill what doesn’t exist. but i can prove you wrong.

Don’t need to be a purpleblood to believe in clown gods m’dude. I’m bronze as fuck. Also, y’all can’t prove me wrong, at all. But I, the true gamer that I am, allow my PHILOSOPHY to be CHALLENGED. As I am not a coward, I am, in fact, the opposite of a coward. I’m a drawoc, which is a kind of dragon that can VORE your UNGRATEFUL TINY ASS.  
Let’s get started.

Now, how do you wanna do this exactly? You could always turn on your own computer, enter the same server and monitor some players while I do the same, and document it. Or I could continue to play on my own and you could be the not so grump to my grump. 

That’s a small joke, a small gamer joke.

the way you speak reminds me more of a tealblood than a bronze. regardless. i’m kind of waiting for my ancient-ass laptop to boot up. why do you think i haven’t done that yet?

i do appreciate the game grumps joke, however.

Oh I’m sorry, did you expect me to start off the conversation going on about the many fiduspawn concepts on my blog? Or how much I love hedgehogs? Did you expect me to turn this into a Sonic the hedgehog fanfic instead?

I could, because I wasn’t actually being sarcastic there. I do have all those things.

oh jesus christ nevermind stop talking

jesus fucking christ. a bronzeblood who worships the fuckin’ messiahs. and sounds like goddamn latula pyrope. this is why trolls almost died out. incels like you.

also, the fact that you have a fiduspawn blog disappoints me. it’s like those humans who have pokemon blogs dedicated to roleplaying or some shit. i’ve seen some freaky stuff on those blogs. it’s terrifying.

Don’t sexualize pokemon or I’ll bust your kneecaps.

Also let’s start the fucking game.

First thing I see is Jade sitting on the same bed as Rose, who’s napping. Look at how cute that is, I ship them, I will make their characters interact until it sails. That’s also part of the reason I gave Rose the Grimoire, gives them an excuse to interact.

Dave is awake, not awake AND WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE.

I’ve been caught by surprise, by my own choice again. I am wounded, past me.

Dream lil’ cal is still in Dave’s dream room.

Oh god, the speedrunning possibilities.

get that fucking freaky ass puppet out of there you idiot why did you let that happen

the results that follow from cal tend to get really messy. for example, in the only successful session i’ve ever seen with these four players, fucking. uh. what was his name again?

i want to say jack. but that sounds wrong.

the guy who hated wearing the jester hat, i think. that guy.

regardless, if you recall, he got possessed through cal by caliborn. the puppet literally contains a fragment of caliborn’s soul. it has been theorized that’s why bro turned out the way he did.

so i advise you get rid of that fucking puppet.

COUNTERPOINT.

I love clowns, boosts are mad wack, and I like powerplaying. Also, actual point following:

With those boosts I might be able to more easily get the Royal Deringer, which could easily carry Dave until he gets enough grist or gets far enough in his land to get something better. Not to mention that if I couple those boosts with Rose’s future summoning ability, and then use that to take down bro and take HIS lil’ cal, as long as I keep Rose and Jade together everything should be fine.

Y’know she’d be codependent but sometimes you have to make sacrifices for clowns and gaming.

so you’ll sacrifice dave’s sanity for a boost? hmm. likely logical.

counterpoint to your counterpoint. if dave takes his royal pirouette off the handle with cal, as i predict will happen, the session will end up being doomed because he WILL fuck over all the other players. and, as you know, the time player and the space player are very necessary to the fuckin’ universe frog.

his sanity is actually crucial here. rose managed with the grimoire, sure. rose can absolutely manage. but that’s because she’s made of stronger stuff. dave has been suffering for roughly 13 years dealing with bro.

that won’t end well.

this is why i say i’m the lesser of two evils, the necessary COUNTER to your chaotic idiocy.

The idea’s to create an universe, no one said it has to be a GOOD universe. I’m not going for a healthy run here. I’m approaching this from the “Let’s crush everything in sight angle”.

Honk :o)

Okay who should take Lil’ Cal, Rose Or Dave? 

rose already has the grimoire. but we’re getting off my real point.

theory: what if your involvement in this session is what dooms it? what if your exasperating need to micromanage every little detail about this session is the very thing that causes this session to fail to make the universe frog?

my real point here is that dave will likely kill everyone before they god tier with cal nearby. he almost lost his shit around the smuppets earlier. what do you think will happen if cal is kept around him for an unhealthy amount of time?

Y’know? I’m considering your point 

But also is hard to picture me failing. Truly everything's meant to go right for me and not a single error will be made. I just need to divide Jade evenly between Rose and Dave. John still has calming boosts so he can go to Dave if he’s available. I am not worried at all. 

Dream Dave just grabbed Lil’ Cal. He’s staring into his eyes.

Look at those fucking stats go up. 

uh oh. that’s exactly what i was afraid of.

welp. seems we don’t get to make the choice for him. he already made it.

whatever. maybe this’ll sort itself out. unlikely, but maybe.

I wake up Dave in the real world, barricade him in his room too and get him to sleep again, don’t need imps getting in.

Jade and Dave are heading for the Derse Castle in the sneakiest of ways.

This definitely isn’t going to go wrong and anyone who says it will has to personally send me an apology note, full with praise and self degradation when everything goes my way.

I switch to Rose, she’s really putting in the work. As soon as she gets enough grist I make John start building for her and get Rose to alchemize some shit.

Zazzerpan the learned’s statue hand and the grimoire will get her an immediate access to magic.

Look at that, look at how fast I’m progressing. Do you think if Hussie was this smart he would’ve lost half of his players? I’m basically a god.

you think that, mister god complex.  
maybe this will work. it doesn’t have a high chance, but maybe.

i’m going to throw this fucking laptop out the window. it just crashed after FINALLY loading up sburb. jesus christ.

gimme a second. gonna go steal a friend’s laptop.

I see you’re experiencing the real life equivalent to the bad connection event. May I direct you to the nearest grave so that you may search for hidden labs?

I’m being sarcastic, by the way.

I had to specify because obviously your brain cannot handle the nuance. Words must be hard for you. Is like every second you are dying a little bit, and every second you’re realizing more and more that you cannot handle the gamer life.

well aren’t you fucking clever. wow. really “pwned” me there, o true gamer. tell me, how do you keep your ego so fucking swollen like all the time.

goddamn. anyway. got the laptop now, it’s a top-of-the-line G4M3R COMPUT3R.

should be able to load up sburb real quick now.

aaaaaand done. cool. connected.

...the fuck is john doing, that dumbass.

He alchemized an armor out of the beagle puss. It’s glorious, a true statement to clownery. For someone who doesn’t like clowns he sure as fuck is one.

I would’ve allocated the harlequin to the strife specibus but due to his phobia that’s just all sanity debuffs and no fucking gain. It’s sad, I’m sad. What does this session have against clowns.

maybe it’s the fact that they’re all murderous bastards. or at least most of them are. 99%. look at chahut, for god’s sake. big murder lady. still fuckable, though.

anyway.

there’s nothing special about the harlequin, why allocate it to the strife specibus in the first place? what even crossed your mind to do that? it’s just a doll that his dad bought.

...theory. dad is a clown.

I didn’t allocate it, dumbfuck. He still has the hammer, I considered it though. Also, his dad is definitely a clown, which gives me an idea, a great idea.  
I make John alchemize a harlequin outfit and holy shit that has a lot of defense I love that. Now I send that code over to Dave, now if I merge that with lil’ cal….

Do you ever get tired of how great I am?

i get tired of your massive ego, yes.

also, john still looks a little freaked out. 

also please for the love of god do NOT alchemize that with lil’ cal.

Well I won’t do it until I have the royal deringer. The code is still in Dave’s computer though. I guess I’m giving John his beagle puss outfit back, he’s more comfy in that and as much as I love the harlequin’s outfit boosts I do not need to keep track of three sanity hazzards.

Monitor John and Rose while I go on weaponsquest.

sure, why not. at least they’ll be sane for a little bit.

stress on the “little” part.

Okay so these two are sneaking around. Dave is a little giggly which I love. It’s a nervous kind of giggly, the kind where you freak your own self out a bit but you’re just sorta trying to get the hang of that chill. Grasp that chill like it’s your fakey fake destiny.

is that making your pussy wet, you sick fuck?

He’s thirteen you fuck.

They got to the package and retrieved it, Jade has ahab’s crosshair and Dave has the royal deringer. Fuck yeah. As soon as I take it though Jack enters the room.

Jack is dead within the minute.

:o)

How are John and Rose doing?

first of all, how the fuck did jade get ahab’s crosshair? the fuck?

second of all, john’s fine. he got into the safe. he’s crying over the letter his dad left him. typical john.

rose is… wait where’d she go.

oh. wait. i think she went to the crypt.

It was in the package, remember? Along with the bunny, which by the way is gonna make a great support. Time for phase two. 

We’re gonna hijack a derse ship, and go to Dave’s planet. We should defeat enough enemies along the way to match bro when we find the jackass.

you think dave will be strong enough to handle the dersites? john can barely handle the imps, though i suppose he didn’t stay within the proximity of lil’ cal for as long as dave has.

rose, however, is competent. might want to have dave convince her to go along with this.

For once you speak my language. I’ll go to Rose’s planet instead and recruit her, too bad she can’t use Echidna’s Quills. I might as well get Zillyhoo to John while we’re on that.

at this point, i just know there isn’t any stopping you. i don’t trust you, but i do believe you have good intentions. may as well just go along with your fucky-ass plan.

yeah. getting the zillyhoo hammer to him would be good. upgrade it to the pop-o-matic as soon as possible.

then maybe, just MAYBE, this will work.

but we’re gonna have to make sure jade’s sanity is doing alright. you did say her randomly passing out and getting hit again wasn’t helping her.

Well that should be solved as soon as her dreamself dies, which is gonna be hard because I want her to reach the last rung before she god tiers. So I guess she’s just a sanity check EXP hoarder for now, she’ll gain EXP from being in battle and not actually participating.

Also it’s gonna take a while to make the pop-o-matic since I’m not merging this with the hivement session. I’m gonna have to use Jade’s 8 ball and something else.

Hmm, future note: Merge the Crosshair with her magic cue ball. I doubt I have enough grist for that for now.

My kids are on the ship and on their way to Rose. How’s getting them to the first gate.

well, that’s not that hard. the reckoning’s timer has barely even started, so that’s not too big of an issue. jade constantly falling asleep isn’t helpful though. if i could just get her to stay awake long enough, maybe we could get everyone to the first gate before we even get halfway to the reckoning. regardless, the grist farming has gone well enough that i’ve built up to the gate. just need to get jade to wake up.

so how’s that ship hijacking going for ya?

Smooth sailing over here. Lots of corpses. Dave looks unfazed but his sanity would be going down fast if it weren’t for Jade’s presence.

She’s...She’s papping him.

That’s cute.

Anyway it shouldn’t be long before they’re on Rose’s land and then move on to John’s. After that I’m gonna give waking Jade the crosshair and move on to Dave’s land, give his waking self the deringer, and barricade both their dreamselves there to safeguard their extra lives. 

Everything’s going well I think. Better than expected. I truly did not expect my own greatness to reach such heights. 

well then, good for you.

and how long is that gonna take? because the reckoning has been ticking away faster than you think.

They’re already here :o) 

Weapon for you, weapon for you, weapon for you. Barricade, time to build binch.

I feel that’s a good ending place, did you enjoy yourself despite being a lesser gamer?

i enjoyed watching you flail about madly and having a nature very similar to hussie, which will ultimately cause your demise, yes.

you know what you and him have in common? you both directly interfered with the session. you both have a god complex. from the way you speak, you’re both probably wastes. waste of space? i doubt you are.

regardless. yes. i enjoyed myself. is that a sufficient enough answer?

It’s funny how much of a hate crush you have on me. I have a kismesis but I’m sure I can make room.

(don’t kill me)

you disgust me. i don’t even mean that in a hate-flirt way. i just hate you.

;oP 

Next time in Sburb Sims….Actually do YOU have a suggestion or a choice to offer maybe?

yes. please suggest something. this guy’s choices frustrate me.

I was talking to you, as in you not you as in the audience numbnuts.

as was i, dumbfuck.

until next time, ULT1M4T3 G4M3RS lolo 360 noscope

If you don’t show up by next chapter it will be because you are dead by my hand.

No choices today, all choices are mine to make. Kiss the hand that fed you goodbye you sasuke stan.

says the sasuke stan himself.

bye, no more comments. Bye bye, ciao, adios.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to "suggest" game mechanics I haven't thought of or ignored yet  
> Or to be more blunt and break the fourth wall: Just make shit up.


End file.
